Instead of a blog post, I have a question for my readers. It’s something I’m curious about.
Faster than light travel in fiction. Do you like it? Do you care?
So, I watched the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles film yesterday. Ordinarily I’d just write it off as another crappy Bay-esque movie (he didn’t actually direct it, but he did produce it), and move on.
This time I can’t do that. I can’t let others go through the 1 hr 45 mins I went through. So, here’s my little review.
I grew up watching the TMNT cartoon in the 90s. It was brilliant to my rose-tinted eyes. The other day I watched the original 1990s move with my youngest daughter, and apart from having aged terribly (MC Hammer, anyone) it’s still good fun. The current TMNT cartoon on Nickelodeon is great. The new film was not.
It did get some things right. I’ll list them. There are spoilers here.
The scene in the lift at the end was funny.
The part where they’re all off their minds on adrenaline was also pretty funny.
Some of the action was okay.
The score was great.
The voice work was not always dreadful.
And now the wrong.
Megan Fox is awful in everything she’s ever in. This is not an exception to that rule.
Will Arnett is less ‘being cute and trying to get Megan to like him,’ and more ‘sexual deviant.’
William Fichtner is far too good to be given the stupid that he had to work with.
Most of the action was too fast, the camera too close, so everything zips along, but is hard to keep track of.
There are parts where it’s too dark to see what’s happening clearly (especially with the above problem).
Michelangelo wasn’t funny, but was incredibly annoying.
The plot makes no sense. The badguy wants to get rich. He’s already rich. It’s also needlessly complicated.
The Shredder is awful. It doesn’t look like he can kick ass, he looks like the something the original Shredder would have looked at and said, ‘I’m not wearing that shit’,
The cgi isn’t good enough.
The doctors all act shocked when the bad guy kills someone, but they’re working for the badguy making something bad to kill a lot of people. That makes no sense at all.
It was stupid to make the turtles April’s old pets.
It was stupid to have Splinter teach himself martial arts from a book he found until he became a master.
The film takes itself far too seriously, and then it doesn’t, and then it does again, and then… you get the idea.
There’s more, but my head hurts.
The TMNT comics currently out by IDW are wonderful. They’re dark and action-packed, but still full of fun. They have heartfelt, character driven parts where characters actually learn and grow. Go read them, seriously you won’t regret it.
I think my biggest problem with the TMNT film is that it could have been great, but it’s not. The excuse, ‘it’s made for kids’, is crap. This isn’t even a film my kids liked, they’d have preferred a 90 minute version of the cartoon. Hell, they preferred the CGI Turtles movie from around 2007.
As silly as the notion of Ninja Turtles might sound, the comics prove that the idea can be done well. It’s a shame that this film is no where near capable of doing that.
On the plus side, it’s not worse than Transformers 4… but then neither is being savaged by a badger.
There’s no cover yet, but I thought that some of you might want to read the book description for Prison of Hope.
Long ago, Olympian gods imprisoned the demon Pandora in a human – Hope – creating a creature whose only purpose was chaos and death. Remorseful, the gods locked Pandora away in Tartarus, ruled by Hades.
Now, centuries later, Pandora escapes. Nate Garrett, 1600-year-old sorcerer, is sent to recapture her and discovers her plan to disrupt the 1936 Berlin Olympic Games, killing thousands in a misplaced quest for vengeance.
Fast forward to modern-day Berlin, where Nate has agreed to act as guardian on a school trip to Germany to visit Hades at the entrance to Tartarus. When Titan King Cronus becomes the second ever to escape Tartarus, Nate is forced to track him down and bring him back, to avert a civil war between those who would use his escape to gain power.
Prison of Hope is the fourth book in the highly acclaimed and action-packed dark urban fantasy series, the Hellequin Chronicles.
That’s right, Prison of Hope is available for pre-order on Amazon, right now. The release date is the 14th April 2015. Yes, I know that’s a bit of a wait, but to ease the pain, book 5 will also be out next year (next Aug at the moment). So that’s two Hellequin books in one year. See, nice things do happen to people who have to wait.
There’s no cover for Prison of Hope yet. But here are the links for the UK and US store:
The wonderful Angela Addams has a new book out. Here’s a peek at the book and some information about a competition she’s having.
To celebrate the release of book 2 in The Order of the Wolf series, Wolf Slayer, I’m giving away five e-copies of Wolf Slayer to five lucky winners. All you have to do is click the rafflecopter link and follow the prompts to enter to win.
Every day is Halloween for author Angela Addams. Enthralled by the paranormal at an early age, Angela spends most of her time thinking up new story ideas that involve supernatural creatures in everyday situations. She believes that the written word is an amazing tool for crafting the most erotic of scenarios.
She is an avid tattoo collector, a total book hoarder and loves anything covered in chocolate…except for bugs.
She lives in Ontario, Canada in an old, creaky house, with her husband and children.
She would have made his next breath his last, if he hadn’t stolen hers.
Order of the Wolf, Book 2
Aubrey Devlin thought she had a destiny—to become a Huntress, be mated to a Hunter, and spend her life in everlasting, werewolf ass-kicking bliss. But after years of honing her wolf-slaying skills, it’s her twin sister who’s chosen for the coveted honor.
Swallowing her disappointment, she takes a job as head of security for the band Riot. Staying professional is tough when it comes to the band’s sex-god bassist, an alpha bad-boy to the extreme. She will keep her mind on her work—as soon as she figures out how to stop drooling over the man.
Jaylon isn’t good with women—especially those with the ability to kill him—yet he knows without a doubt Aubrey is his mate. Now if only he can get the stubborn woman to fall for him.
One argument too many, and instead of clawing each other’s eyes out, they wind up clawing each other’s clothes off. It’s then that Jaylon realizes the truth: Aubrey is a true Huntress. He’d better find a way to claim his mate before a Hunter claims her first…
Sexually explicit (like ripping-clothes-off, sex-in-public-places explicit) language. Rock-star bad-ass with long hair and a wicked bite. A take-no-crap huntress who bites back. You are encouraged to lick, suck, and devour your way through this tasty treat in one sitting—just be aware you might be hungry for more.
Copyright © 2014 Angela Addams
All rights reserved — a Samhain Publishing, Ltd. publication
Even though she’d grown up almost completely isolated and totally devoted to training, Aubrey hadn’t been without amenities most modern families had. She knew who Riot was. She even kinda liked their music. Hard, loud, dirty. Many of their songs were on her training playlist. It was the right kind of music for a little beast ass-kicking.
It all seemed too good to be true and as her dad always said, if it was looked too good, then it probably was. She’d accepted the job, of course. The pay was outstanding, but her instincts were on high alert.
Standing on the outside of the door to the world’s biggest mansion—or at least, the biggest she’d ever seen—she couldn’t help but feel like she might be getting in over her head. Wolves were one thing, but screaming, groping, obsessed fans were something Aubrey had no experience with.
She glanced over her shoulder, where she could still hear the murmurs of those panting, sex-starved women. The ones who had clawed and banged at the limo she’d been transported in, even pressing their boobs up against the tinted window. She was certain she could detect real from fake like an expert at this point. Ugh. Way too much flesh on display. The experience had been like nothing she’d ever seen before and she had to wonder what would possess a woman to throw herself at a man like that.
The sound of their disappointment, the shrieks and screams when the gate closed them all out…yeah, she was gonna need to hire a team of huge, capable men, just to keep the crowds under control. She was good at killing, lethal expertise, not so much with deflecting lusty humans.
She sighed, shifted the shoulder strap of her bow case, adjusted the 9mm holstered at her hip, then ran her fingers through her hair. “They’re just humans, you can handle this.” Despite the fact that she had lied on her resume, she did know a thing or two about protection and there was only one wife she had to keep an eye on. No problem.
The door finally swung open and there was Dave, dressed in his tailored suit with his blond hair slicked back. Just as he’d looked when he interviewed her. The epitome of band manager. “Aubrey, welcome.”
He extended his hand as if to take the bow case from her shoulder. She shook her head, leaned down and picked up her suitcase. “I’ve got it, thanks.”
Dave took a step back, motioning her in. “The band is all here.”
And there they were—impossibly huge, outstanding specimens of downright drop dead gorgeous bad boys. The lot of them waltzing into the foyer to greet her. A shiver licked down her spine as she glanced from one man to the next. Dangerous was the first word that jumped into her head, although she couldn’t exactly say why. She scanned the men again. They were all there except for…
“I’m Mayhem.” Piercing blue eyes, long black hair, body made for licking. Mayhem, stepped forward and extended a hand.
Aubrey took it without hesitation. This was the band’s front man, no mistaking his legendary looks. She’d gazed at his picture on the internet many a night over the years.
“Raven.” Mayhem nodded to his right as he released her hand.
“Nice to meet you, Aubrey.”
This one was pierced and tattooed, not really her thing but she could appreciate a handsome man when she saw one and she had a lot of respect for Raven’s ability to melt her with his riffs. He was a talented musician.
“Dyami,” Blond and shaggy, the drummer oozed naughty with that smile.
The last band member stepped into the hallway and walked toward her, his eyes locked on hers, a look so intense it literally stopped her next breath.
“Jaylon Black,” she whispered. He had long dark hair, a deep brown bordering on black and so silky to the eye that she was desperate to run her fingers through it. He was native, his beautiful dark skin, those mesmerizing cocoa eyes… Deadly, sensual, screwable…
Okay, get a grip you perv.
“You’ve heard of me, then?” He didn’t crack a smile and didn’t offer a hand to shake.
Aubrey felt a blush rise to her cheeks. She must have said that louder than she thought.
Crimes Against Magic (Book 1 of the Hellequin Chronicles) is on sale in the UK, for the sum of only 0.99p.
A review by Liz Barnsley (her website is here):
“If you like Urban Fantasy you will love this. If you love Thrillers and Mystery but have not yet dipped your toe into the world of UF, then this is for you – you will get the best of all worlds. I don’t think I have ever been so pleased to see the great words “Book 1″ in the title!”
Click the picture for the link to the book.
On the 30th October , a bunch of authors will be getting together to host a Facebook event. Called a Murder of Authors, the idea is that each of us will be doing something for their readers and fans to come read.
Here’s the link:
On my side, I’ll be doing a Q&A at 7pm UK time (or 2PM EST). Basically I want questions from people about writing, the Hellequin books, future books, other series, or anything else you can think of. I’ll make a video and post the answers on the 30th
Now, I know some of you may not have Facebook, and I don’t want you to feel left out. So I’ll be posting the video done there on this blog a few days later.
So, you’ve got until the 25th October to get me as many questions as you can think of. I will answer them be they about writing, comics, movies, or anything else you can think of (so long as they’re not too weird or anything).
And feel free to come over on the day and say hi, I’ll be giving away a signed copy of one of my books.
I’m pleased to introduce Lesley Smith. Her new book, The Changing of the Sun, is out now.
It’s been a strange fifteen months. I started writing a short story in June 2013 to try to flesh out some backstory for an urban sci fi novel I was planning. I was writing for myself, to understand the flows and timelines, and now in October 2014, I’m holding a copy of the paperback of The Changing of the Sun in my hands.
(And then I put it down because, you know, it’s heavy and I have RSI.)
I had a story which gripped me and that I needed to tell, the first piece in a larger picture spanning milestones on an alien planet. First novels usually come back to haunt their authors, usually because they’ve since grown as a writer, and yet I’m still in that phase where I know Changing might not be the best thing I’ve ever written (that’s still to come) but I’m still proud of it and myself.
Indie publishing a novel is a wild ride, especially when you add a Kickstarter campaign into the mix. I’m retired to to chronic health problems and physical disabilities which means I live on a small but comfortable amount. The problem with this is I could have paid for the book’s production but it would have taken three times as long and I really wanted to have a novel published in 2014.
The actual campaign was a horrifying dreadful thing. I danced from manic terror that my project was going to crash and burn and wanting to quietly press the ‘cancel campaign’ button to convinced it was going to succeed and screaming like a banshee. I had people telling me it was going to be okay but it was only on the day I funded that I truly believed them.
Most of my friends were supportive and not all of their support involved money. Half go them were simply curious or keen to see me succeed, even if they could only offer good will and moral support. A friend came round the night I funded with a bottle of prosecco and was there for me after a family member, disgusted, had told me how ashamed of myself I should be for begging. Coincidentally, that particular comment spurred me to hit the internet and I funded that say, almost as an ‘up yours’ to anyone who doubted me.
So I started researching other campaigns, seeing how authors had used the platform specifically. I listed what I needed (editing, covers, layout, an ebook edition) and priced up how much it would cost. Of course you can guesstimate but until you do go through the process you can never have final numbers. I actually needed around £2250 to cover alls the costs I incurred (I asked for £1250). One of the things I wanted to be clear about from the off was my honesty and openness about finances, the reasons why I was doing the Kickstarter and the slow, ambling journey of Scrivener file to paperback book.
Of course much of this was coloured by the people I found during my journey. I found an excellent editor who loves my work, thanks to other indie authors I discovered that interior art really makes for a beautiful book (and Ben J. Adams is worth every penny I throw at him) and that if you’re going to do a paperback or an ebook, it should be a beautiful thing regardless of the cost.
This year has been precious because it has seem my dream become a literal reality, it’s made me realise that I might actually be a decent storyteller and it allowed me to control the final product, to make it as lovely to hold as it is to read on a Kindle or an iPad. I was lucky enough to have Michael Bunker as a mentor and he and I share a believe that books should be beautiful things. I’ve kept this idea close at hand from everything from the cover to the layout and the interior illustrations.
I’m already planning my next two Kickstarter campaigns to get the funding I need to do the second (for The Parting of the Waters, which is live now) and third parts of the trilogy (which will be Kickstarted next summer). For someone in my situation, Kickstarter provides funding but — perhaps most importantly — it also provides an instant fanbase. If I didn’t have Team Changing (my original team of backers), I wouldn’t be able to sit here today signing books and getting ready to do this all over again.
I can’t wait.
The world is shifting and only the blind have eyes to see it.
In a seaside village, a woman has come back from the dead, the only survivor of a tsunami which wiped out her clan. When she speaks, it is of things no Kashinai should know. She says danger is coming and only an Oracle can save them…one who has not yet been called.
In Aiaea, a city infected by fear, a priestess finds herself blind and afraid. Denied her mantle, Saiara is imprisoned by the woman who should have been her teacher. What Saiara has seen cannot be stopped and unless she acts, an entire world and its people will burn.
Their only safety lies in sacred caverns far to the north, but first Saiara must escape captivity with only the aid of a former High Oracle, a healer, a bondservant, and a Seaborn woman who is indwelt by the goddess of death.
Oracle and indwelt, healer and nomad, child and adult…the Changing of the Sun is coming. Will they be ready? Will you?
The Changing of the Sun is the first installment of a breath-taking trilogy that spans lifetimes and ages from veteran journalist turned author Lesley Smith.
I’m please to introduce you all to Charlie N. Holmberg, and her wonderful novel, The Paper Magician.
Bound to a magic she never wanted, a young apprentice falls deeper into its mysteries when she must use everything she’s learned from her master in order to save him… and his heart.
Ceony Twill arrives at the cottage of Magician Emery Thane with a broken heart. Having graduated at the top of her class from the Tagis Praff School for the Magically Inclined, Ceony is assigned an apprenticeship in paper magic despite her dreams of bespelling metal. And once she’s bonded to paper, that will be her only magic…forever.
Yet the spells Ceony learns under the strange yet kind Thane turn out to be more marvelous than she could have ever imagined—animating paper creatures, bringing stories to life via ghostly images, even reading fortunes. But as she discovers these wonders, Ceony also learns of the extraordinary dangers of forbidden magic.
An Excisioner—a practitioner of dark, flesh magic—invades the cottage and rips Thane’s heart from his chest. To save her teacher’s life, Ceony must face the evil magician and embark on an unbelievable adventure that will take her into the chambers of Thane’s still-beating heart—and reveal the very soul of the man.
The Paper Magician is now available in ebook, paperback, and audiobook from 47North.
Homegrown in Salt Lake City, Charlie was raised a Trekkie with three sisters who also have boy names. She writes fantasy novels and does freelance editing on the side. She’s a proud BYU alumna, plays the ukulele, and owns too many pairs of glasses.
Amazon purchase page: http://amzn.to/1yjGbom
There’s a sale going on over on Amazon.com where if you’re an Amazon Local Customer. You can get all 3 Hellequin Chronicles books for only $1.99 each.
Follow the link below to go see.